


Winternet is Coming

by Zeplerfer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, M/M, Passive agressive wifi router names, Wifi security is important
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 05:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13288065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zeplerfer/pseuds/Zeplerfer
Summary: When a snowstorm cancels school for the day, Arthur is called upon to babysit his nephew Peter. Despite the preteen's annoying behavior, his technological savvy leads Arthur to discover that one of his neighbors has been using Arthur's unsecured wireless network for naughty purposes...





	Winternet is Coming

The blond preteen stomped into Arthur’s sparsely furnished flat with a look of annoyance. He kicked off his boots and left them in a puddle of melting snow near the door. Just behind him, his mother set the boy’s lunch bag on the floor and beamed at Arthur with a grateful smile. “Thank you so much,” she gushed. “You’re a lifesaver!”

“It’s nothing,” Arthur lied, managing a tight smile.

“No, really. This is such a huge help. I’ll be back at six to pick him up. Let me know if he causes any trouble.” She turned to the boy and hugged him. “Be good for your uncle, Peter!”

She waved goodbye and hurried off into the snowstorm, leaving Arthur to lock the door behind her and then stare awkwardly at his ten-year-old nephew. He saw Peter on occasion, for birthdays and other family events, but he had never been particularly good with children. Unfortunately for the both of them, school had been cancelled for the day because of the snow and the boy’s usual babysitters were unavailable.

“So, have you read any good books lately?” Arthur asked the boy with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

Peter rolled his eyes. “No. What’s your wifi password?” he demanded, tossing his backpack onto the floor as he flopped onto Arthur’s couch.

Arthur shrugged. “I don’t have one.”

The boy gasped. “You gotta have wifi! I’ll _die_ without wifi!”

“Oh, don’t be so melodramatic.” Arthur ignored the boy’s antics and returned to his cup of lukewarm tea. He still had final exams to finish grading and he was hoping he’d be able to work on them while his nephew quietly amused himself. “Would you like a cup of tea or a book to read?” he offered as he carried his own mug over to his desk by the window.

Just outside his window, bitter winds blew fine gusts of flurries in every direction. It was the perfect weather to curl up with a good book and a cup of tea. Then again, Arthur considered any weather—clouds, rain, or shine—the perfect weather for his two favorite hobbies.

“Nah.” Peter had pulled out his mobile and glued his eyes to the screen. “I’m good, I found an unsecure connection.”

“Hmm, that’s nice,” Arthur replied, half-listening to Peter. He grabbed his red pen and an essay from the top of his grading pile. Time to see how much his students had learned about Postwar European History. If he was lucky, they had also been paying attention in their English classes. Arthur tried not to take off too many points for purely grammatical errors, but it was irritating to find sloppy mistakes from otherwise thoughtful students.

“Yeah, some nerd named his router ‘Gallifrey’ but didn’t bother to set a password.” Peter giggled. “Your neighbors are awesome. This guy says he’s using gallifrey to download porn!”

Caught up in his student’s comparison of the Years of Lead in Italy to the Troubles in Ireland, it took Arthur a moment to process what Peter had said. He whirled around, nearly knocking the chair over as he sprang to his feet and snatched the smartphone out of Peter’s hand. “Where did you see that word?” he demanded, staring at the brightly colored video game as he tried to figure out what he was going to say to his sister-in-law when Peter started asking her about porn. She would never let him babysit again. He paused. Hmm, perhaps that wouldn’t be so bad.

“Geez.” Peter stood up and took back his phone. “It’s not in the game,” he said, as if Arthur were a complete numpty. “You gotta go to the settings menu to see the wifi options,” he explained, swiping down and left so fast that Arthur couldn’t keep track of what the boy was doing. Before he knew it, the screen showed them a list of nearby wireless networks:

 _Gallifrey  
_ ⛔ _LINKSYS  
_ ⛔ _0387830001  
_ ⛔ _im using galifrey to stream porn  
_ ⛔ _Winternet is coming_

Arthur glared at the screen. How dare they misspell Gallifrey! And also misuse his connection. “What’s the lock mean?” he demanded, tapping the screen for emphasis.

“Gallifrey is _your_ wifi?” Peter snickered. “You’re such a dork. The lock means you have a password.”

“I see.” Arthur glanced over his shoulder at the decade-old internet router sitting on his bookshelf that he had set up when he first moved into the apartment building. There had definitely been an option for naming his router, but he didn’t remember anything about a password. Arthur ignored his nephew’s insult in favor of finding a solution to the more pressing problem. “How do I get one?”

His nephew grinned. “I can help… if you do my English homework.”

Arthur crossed his arms. “I’m not going to help you cheat.”

“Fine.” The boy plopped back onto the couch. “Guess I’ll just have to tell Mom that some guy is using your network for porn.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes. “Do you even know what porn is?”

“Sure, it’s like boobs and stuff.”

Deciding it would be better not to make too much fuss over the topic, lest his nephew start asking more questions, Arthur nodded. “Well, then, I guess you won’t be needing your phone while you’re working on your English homework,” he said, snatching the phone out of the surprised boy’s hand before Peter could react. “Your mother would be _horrified_ to hear that her son was learning about porn on this phone. We wouldn’t want her to know about that, would we?”

Peter glared and Arthur met his gaze straight on. He might be terrible at technology, but he wasn’t going to lose out on blackmail to a ten-year-old.

“Twenty quid,” Peter offered.

“Ten quid, and we never speak of this again.”

“Okay, but I want my phone back.”

“Deal.”

They shook on it and Arthur watched as Peter sat down in front of his laptop. The boy typed in some numbers into the browser and opened an internet page that looked vaguely familiar. From there, he navigated to a settings page. “What password do you want?” he asked.

Arthur thought a moment. “Falls no more,” he replied.

“Is that another geeky reference?” Peter asked, wrinkling his nose.

“Of course.”

“Ugh.” The boy rolled his eyes, but changed the password anyway. He went back to the couch and Arthur returned to his essays. Outside, the snow had stopped falling, leaving a pristine layer of white on rooftops and streets. Certainly it wouldn’t match the Great Frost of 1683–84, and Arthur didn’t expect to see a River Thames frost fair, but it was far heavier than their usual December flurries. He took a moment to simply gaze out the window and enjoy the crystalline beauty of the icy tree branches.

After that short break, Arthur turned to the next essay on the pile. The student did a good job of reciting the correct dates and events, but hadn’t synthesized the material. He graded it a B minus. As Arthur was trying to concentrate, the worrisome sound of Peter giggling drew his attention back to the couch. “What’s so funny?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“The porn router has a new name. Now it’s ‘ _ooh someone called geek squad_.’”

“Just ignore him and do your homework,” Arthur replied. He gripped his red pen tightly and stared pointedly at his own pile of essays that needed grading. He tried to focus on his work and not think about the arrogant tosser who was mocking him via wifi. It was probably one of the annoying college students who lived in his apartment building.

“I’ve got a better idea.” Peter ran over to Arthur’s laptop and returned to the settings page. “I’m gonna insult him back!”

Arthur considered stopping him, but a part of him rather liked the idea of getting back at the other person for his rude network names.

‘ _Suck on my secure connection_ ’ the boy typed for the new name.

Within minutes, they had a response.

⛔ _Suck on my secure connection  
_ ⛔ _LINKSYS  
_ ⛔ _0387830001  
_ ⛔ _ur music library sucked anyway  
_ ⛔ _Winternet is coming_

Arthur scowled. It was one thing to steal his internet connection for porn. It was another thing altogether to insult his magnificent music library. “How _dare_ they.” Arthur stood up. “We are going to find that person and teach them some manners!”

“Really?” Peter asked excitedly.

“Yes.” Arthur walked with determination toward the door and quickly realized he had a problem. He didn’t know the source of the wifi signal. And he could hardly knock on every door and ask if they were using his router for porn.

“Oooh, this will be fun!” Peter hurried over to the front door and put on his shoes. “I can use my phone to find him!”

Arthur watched as his nephew raced down one end of the hallway. The boy glanced at his phone and hurried back.

“It’s the other way,” he said before dashing off in the opposite direction.

Still confused, Arthur followed him to the end of the hallway and up the staircase. 

Peter looked down at his phone. “It’s getting stronger!” he explained.

Arthur blinked, finally understanding how Peter was tracking their mysterious insulter. He was looking for the place with the strongest wifi signal for "ur music library sucked anyway." Clever boy. Peter led them down the second floor hallway until they were at the apartment directly above Arthur’s.

“This is it.”

Arthur nodded and knocked on the door. A few moments later, footsteps approached and the door opened to reveal a handsome young man with tanned skin and well-fitting jeans. Arthur stared for a moment before reminding himself that the very attractive person standing in front of him had insulted his favorite television show and his taste in music.

“What’s up?” the man asked, revealing nice teeth and a flat American accent. Suddenly his complete lack of manners made sense.

Arthur crossed his arms. “I believe you owe me an apology for using my wireless router.”

“ _Ooooh_.” A grin slowly spread across the other man’s face. “Dude, I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to notice. Hah, I bet you actually called Geek Squad!”

“Nope, he had me do it,” Peter piped up.

“Thanks to your ridiculous wifi name, I had to explain to my nephew what porn is,” Arthur interrupted, scowling impressively as he gestured toward his nephew. The effect was somewhat ruined by his traitorous brain, which started to wonder exactly what sort of porn the other man had been watching using his wireless router.

Peter glanced between them. “But I already knew—”

“Hush, Peter.”

The aggravatingly handsome man laughed and gave Arthur a cocky smile. “If he can use the internet he definitely knows about porn.” He paused a moment, eyes dipping to Arthur’s feet and then back up again. “You know, I gotta say, you’re way younger than I expected.”

“What were you expecting?”

“An old geezer ‘cause your music library is hella old.”

“It’s _classic_ ,” Arthur retorted. He paused a second and knitted his brows. “How were you even accessing my music files?”

“You had your download folder auto-set to share with anyone on the network. And it wasn’t just your music files.” The man winked.

“Oh.” Arthur paled, suddenly understanding the true implications of how his upstairs neighbor had been using his network to stream porn. Anger flooded his veins. “How dare you! What you did was no different than going into my flat and rifling through my DVDs!”

The man’s smile vanished. “But you left the network unsecured…”

Arthur placed his hands on his hips and glared. “Would accidentally leaving my door unlocked give you the right to walk in and use whatever you wanted?” From the young man’s look of sudden chagrin, Arthur could see his point had been made. He gestured for Peter to follow him back to his own flat. Glancing over his shoulder as they walked down the hallway, he could see the stranger give them a flummoxed expression, completely uncertain how to reply. Arthur took advantage of his silence to have the last word. “I hope you learned something,” he said icily over his shoulder.

The rest of the afternoon passed quietly. Arthur finished grading the last of the student essays and then cajoled Peter into at least starting his English homework. They finished the day with hot chocolate and a great episode of Doctor Who. By the time Peter’s mother arrived to pick him up, the boy finally admitted that the new episodes of Doctor Who were ‘okay, I guess.’

Arthur watched mother and son leave with a feeling of relief. Taking care of Peter hadn’t turned out as terribly as he expected, but it still wasn’t an experience he wanted to repeat anytime soon. Thinking about the day’s shenanigans suddenly reminded Arthur that his wifi network still had the rude name Peter had given it. He rushed to his laptop and stared at the wireless settings page that his nephew had left open earlier. The name was still there, but the other router had changed again. This time to something more pleasant.

⛔ _Suck on my secure connection  
_ ⛔ _LINKSYS  
_ ⛔ _0387830001  
_ ⛔ _sorry about earlier :(  
_ ⛔ _Winternet is coming_

Mimicking what Peter had done, Arthur changed the name back to Gallifrey. He felt somewhat embarrassed about his part in the childish spat, but at least it seemed the other man had learned his lesson. Checking to make sure that his new router name displayed properly, Arthur was surprised to see that the other man had already changed his router name again.

⛔ _Gallifrey  
_ ⛔ _LINKSYS  
_ ⛔ _0387830001  
_ ⛔ _want an apology dinner?  
_ ⛔ _Winternet is coming_

Arthur’s mouse hovered over the screen. Was his upstairs neighbor asking him on a date? For a split second he wondered how the man had known he was gay, before realizing that the answer was obvious. Clearly they had similar… tastes.

Deciding that this was a response he preferred to deliver in person, Arthur strode upstairs and knocked loudly on the door to the flat directly above his.

It opened a few moments later to reveal the same blond-haired, blue-eyed man. “Hey, Gallifrey,” he said with a smile that was still handsome, though somewhat less cocky.

“My name is Arthur,” the Englishman replied, “And you’re an arrogant wanker.”

“Yeah, lots of people call me that here,” the man agreed cheerfully, his blue eyes sparkling behind thick-rimmed spectacles. “But back home they call me Alfred.”

“Well, I accept your apology and I hope you’ve learnt a lesson.”

“Yep.” Alfred nodded. “Don’t assume your neighbor is an old geezer. He might actually be really hot.”

Arthur flushed. “Flattering as that is, I don’t appreciate that you just assume that I want to go out to dinner with you.”

“Oh.” Alfred’s smile vanished and his shoulders drooped. “I see.”

“I think it’d be smarter to start with coffee and tea.”

Alfred blinked and his grin slowly returned. “I should give you my number, too. You know, just in case you ever need tech support.”

They picked a time to meet the next day at the lovely café down the street and Arthur returned to his apartment with a spring in his step. As soon as he stepped inside, he checked to see the latest router names. He smiled to see Alfred’s response.

⛔ _Gallifrey  
_ ⛔ _LINKSYS  
_ ⛔ _0387830001  
_ ⛔ _guess whos got a date!  
_ ⛔ _Winternet is coming_


End file.
